Below is the first promotional teaser for Fast Five: The Movie: Official Game, the official tie-in to "Fast Five: The Movie," a film that will surely earn a place amongst the two greatest films of all time: "Ace Ventura: Pet Detective" and "Gigli." High praise in advance of an actual viewing, I know, but look at its cast for a minute � Vin Diesel and Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson on-screen at the same time? Sounds like Oscar material to me.

Oh, wow, you're still with me. Here's the low-down: Fast Five: The Movie: Official Game is a racing game slated to the App Store on April 28, a day before the movie it's based on hits theaters. In the game, you'll play as the film series' returning protagonist, Brian O'Conner. O'Conner is a dude who, apparently, needs to race in exotic places in order to… well, er… whatever. Dude just needs to race, OK? �Oh, and blow things up. As you saw, there, this game has an interesting real-time destruction mechanic that you can trigger, presumably, by doing stunts and racing well.

In case you were wondering why Fast Five: The Movie: Official Game looks so much like the racing title Split Second [$4.99 / HD] (right down to its usage of buttons to activate real-time world devastation events), it's because Gameloft is behind the wheel of the project. These are the same guys who have been "borrowing" core mechanics and concepts from other titles like, say, Zelda or Uncharted or Halo, etc., etc.

Come later this April, if you want a taste of Fast Five: The Game, it may just be wiser to have a friend blindfold you, re-assign all the buttons on a version of Split Second, and then hand you a controller just as a race starts. Am I being too negative here? Probably! We'll see!